Breakdown
by Hattori Hanzo
Summary: So what do you do when somebody you're so devoted to suddenly just stops loving you? Femslash Buffy and Faith. R & R please. CHAPTER 2 UP!
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: "Breakdown"

**Author**: Hattori Hanzo

**Genre**: Romance/Angst

**Rating**: M just to be safe

**Warnings**: Femslash (Buffy/Faith).

It was 4 AM in the morning and I was listening to a song called "Breakdown", by Mariah Carey & Bone Thugs 'n' Harmony. The strange and irresistible urge to write a fic came over me, so I did. Uhh... if it sucks, let me know. If it doesn't, let me know :P

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_You called yesterday_

_To basically say_

_That you care for me but_

_That you're just not in love_

_Immediately, I pretended to be feeling similarly and led you to believe it was OK_

_To just walk away from the one thing that's unyielding and sacred to me_

Mariah Carey feat. Bone Thugs 'n' Harmony - "Breakdown"

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Buffy walked quietly down the sidewalk, her footsteps echoing in the silence. Every once in a while she would pause, trying to decide if she really wanted to do it or not. Who knew what could happen if she did it? Who knew what could happen if she didn't do it? She'd get hurt either way... she was just trying to pick the lesser of two evils. At one point, she even stopped dead in her tracks and spun on her heels, shaking her head, sighing and deciding she just wasn't strong enough to do it. She couldn't bring herself to go there and force her mouth to speak the words she knew would hurt the one she would be saying them too. And by hurting Faith, she would hurt herself. But she couldn't keep going with it.

She would look away from Angel and try to keep her breath steady everytime he would tell her how much he loved her. She really did her best, but she knew that he noticed how she just couldn't bear to hear those three words. Everytime he would dare even whisper "I love you", she would stiffen and look down at her feet, avoiding eye contact with him. And only after much concentration and after gathering obscene amounts of strength, she would push a simple "You too" through her lips. That wasn't the case with Faith. She would continuosly tell the other Slayer how she loved her. She would scream it to her, followed by her name, while they were lying on Faith's bed, their naked, sweaty bodies rubbing furiously, making the springs in Faith's old, dirty matress squeak. She would say it to her when Faith's head was lying on her shoulder, her eyes watching reruns of the Three Stooges intently. And Faith would look at her, wipe a strand of brown hair away from her eyes and look into Buffy's, and say, loud and clear, "I love you too, B."

She only realized she had finally reached her destination when her closed fist was up in the air, ready to knock on the dirty wood of Faith's door. She lowered her hand a bit, then wiped her eyes with the back of it, trying her best not to cry, trying her best to be strong and not break down there, only to run back home and crawl into her bed hating herself for not having it in her to put an end to her relationship with Faith. Ignoring all her rational thoughts, she swung her hand at the door, her knuckles hitting it with a little more force than she intended them to. She stood for a few minutes under the flickering light of the old lamp hanging above her, illuminating at least a portion of the porch of the motel. When Faith didn't open the door to let her in, she thought once again about leaving, but mentally slapped herself and knocked again.  
She heard shuffling inside and heard her lover's muffled voice shout, "I'm coming, hang on." A few seconds later, she heard the keys turn and the dark haired Slayer pulled the door open, surprised to see Buffy standing there, looking at her with watery eyes. She frowned, wondering why her girlfriend would hold back her tears and why she would have any tears to hold back at all.  
"Can I come in?" Buffy asked quietly, fidgeting and looking down at her well-manicured, pink nails.  
"Uh, yeah. Sure," Faith replied, stepping aside for Buffy to enter. The girl stepped into the room and Faith laid a hand on her shoulder as she walked past, caressing it. She was surprised when the other Slayer shied away from her, almost as if she was afraid.  
She closed the door with a click and followed her lover to the bed, where they both sat, much farther apart from each other than usual. Faith watched Buffy intently, but looked away every time the blonde would shoot her a quick, reluctant look. When the tension hanging in the air became too thick to bear, the brunette asked in a sympathetic tone, "So what's up?"  
Buffy took a deep, shaky breath, her tears threatening to spill when she did. She closed her mouth and her lips quivered. "We..." She sighed once again, wiping her left eye with her thumb. "We have to stop. We have to break up."  
The words hit Faith harder than any blow she'd ever received, and that included being sucker punched by Lagos or having her ass kicked by one of the bitches from the Sisterhood of Jhe. After finally mustering enough strength to speak, she said, sounding both angrier and sadder than she wanted to, "And why do you think we should do that?"  
Buffy's eyes widened slightly at the tone of Faith's voice, but she still refused to meet the other girl's gaze. "Because... I can't keep lying to Angel. It's hurting me, and it's hurting him. And I don't want that to happen."  
"Well, did you ever consider that maybe doing this would hurt me?" Faith asked through gritted teeth.  
"I did," the blonde said, her words shaking as she spoke while tears ran down her pale cheeks. "But Faith, I love Angel. We've been through God-knows-what and we're still together. And he loves me too."  
Faith sighed, trying as hard as she could to calm herself, to supress her anger, her sadness, and nodded slowly. "I get it. You both mean a lot to each other."  
Buffy added quickly, "Don't ever think you don't mean a lot-"  
"It's cool, B. It's no big deal, really. I know what you both have been through. I see how much you love him. He loves you too."  
Buffy frowned at Faith's sudden change in behavior. That wasn't what she expected at all. She expected Faith to either break down into tears, cling to her arm and beg her not to leave her or lash out with anger and throw a punch at her face. But... she never expected a calm and understanding reaction.  
"You're not angry?" The blonde asked in a calm, comforting and at the same time incredibly sad voice.  
Faith frowned, thinking. After a few seconds, she sighed and said quietly, "No. I'm a bit... surprised, that's all. but not angry."  
"Sad?" Buffy asked, expecting - wanting, even - Faith to say yes.  
Faith shook her head slowly, calm as ever. "No, B. I totally get why you're doing this."  
The other Slayer knew she was lying. That wasn't like Faith at all. That, or she didn't really know her lover as well as she thought she did. "You're not sad... at all?"  
The brunette took a very deep breath, trying to calm her beating heart and uttered, "No." But her voice faltered and she knew Buffy noticed she'd lied.  
"That's not true. I can tell."  
Faith let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, and said, "Ok... so maybe I'm a little hurt. But what am I gonna do? You don't wanna be with me, I'm not gonna try and force you to stay with me."  
Buffy slowly and reluctantly raised a shaking hand, putting it on Faith's shoulder. "Thank you."  
"For what?"  
"For being so understanding," Buffy said. "It still hurts to tell you this, but... you made it easier."  
Faith gave her now-ex-girfriend a weak smile and said, "Any time."  
The blonde stood up slowly and waited for the other girl to do the same. Once she had, they walked slowly to the door and Faith pulled it open. Buffy stepped out of the room and turned around slowly. "You sure you ok?"  
Faith nodded. "Yeah. Five by five."  
Buffy nodded slowly, a weak and fake smile plastered on her lips, and then proceeded to turn around once again and walk away, hearing the door shut with a click behind her.

TO BE CONTINUED

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A/N: So whatcha guys think? This is really my first attempt at angst - well, not my first but the first I actually put some thought into - so if it sucks, lemme know. Positive and negative reviews are welcome. Also, I will only update it if I get 3 reviews per chapter or more. Why? Because if I get at least 3 reviews per chapter, it means at least a few people are reading it. And if I don't, it means no one's reading it... and if no one's reading it, what's the whole point of continuing it? 


	2. Chapter 2

**Title**: "Breakdown"

**Author**: Hattori Hanzo

**Genre**: Romance/Angst

**Rating**: M for violence and possibly sex

**Warnings**: Violence, strong language

**Timeline**: Set between "The Zeppo" and "Bad Girls"

**Disclaimer**: Buffy, the Vampire Slayer and anything related to that does not belong to me (although I would like to own Spike). The song "Breakdown" belongs to Mariah Carey, Bone Thugs 'n' Harmony, and Columbia Records.

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_Well, I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it_

_And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you_

_But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind_

_Underneath the guise of smile, gradually I'm dying inside_

Mariah Carey feat. Bone Thugs 'n' Harmony - "Breakdown"

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Faith shut the door slowly, gripping the doorknob hard to try to stop her hand from shaking. She let go of the knob and looked down at her hands - they were shaking uncontrollably, as was the rest of her body. She took a slow, deep breath to try and calm herself, but that just took away any control she had and the tears spilled from her eyes.She leaned against the door and her small hiccups quickly turned into loud sobs. She started to slide down the door, but quickly put a strong hand against the dirty wood and pushed herself away from it. She walked towards the bed slowly, shuffling her feet, and plopped down on it, the matress and the covers muffling the sound of her pained sobs.  
She breathed in and smelled that sweet scent - Buffy's scent. Immediately she jerked up, moving away from her bed. She used to like smelling Buffy on her bed... but now, it just made her angry.  
She ran a hand through her brown hair and then proceeded to wipe her eyes furiously, trying to stop herself from crying.  
_Buffy doesn't want me? Fine. I ain't gonna cry over her_, she thought, stomping off towards the bathroom.  
She entered the bathroom and took a good look around her - the tiles on the walls were supposed to be white, but they looked yellow. Same with her sink. The mirror above the sink was cracked, and the bathtub was as dirty as it could get, no matter how hard Faith tried to clean it.  
She wondered why she was thinking about how dirty her bathroom was, but shrugged. _At least it takes my mind off Buffy..._  
She walked over to the mirror and looked at herself. Her eyeliner was all over her face. She looked at her hands - the backs of them were covered in eyeliner. She sighed and turned on the tap, drowning her hands in the water. She rubbed them with the bar of soap and once she was finished, cleaned her face. She turned off the tap and looked at herself again. Without all the eyeliner, she could see how red and puffy her dark eyes were. She wiped them again as another tear fell, and then walked over to the shower.  
She took her shirt off and tossed it angrily out of the bathroom, then did the same to her pants. She peeled off her underwear and once she was completely naked, she got into the bathtub. With one arm, she held herself to stop herself from shaking, and with her other hand, she turned on the shower, letting the warm water rain down on her cold skin.  
She sat down and hugged her knees close to her chest. The water calmed her down some, but it didn't stop the tears from falling. She leaned against the wall and sighed. 

She got out of the room and closed the door behind her, not bothering to lock it. She looked down at her clothes and smiled - she was wearing her favorite pair of leather pants, her combat boots, and a black shirt which showed just as much cleavage as she liked - which meant much more than necessary.Faith looked at her watch - 2 A.M. She smiled to herself. Perfect.  
She walked away from the motel, her heavy combat boots coming down hard on the ground, echoing in the silence. After about 5 minutes of walking, she was already halfway there, so she picked up her pace, speeding up to a jog. It didn't take her feet long to land on the soft, dry grass that covered the grounds of Restfield Cemetery.  
The Slayer reached into her pocket and pulled out her pointed wooden stake, praying for this to be a busy night. And it seemed as though her prayers were heard - not long after beginning her hunting, she heard a low growl coming from behind her.  
The brunette laughed to herself and spun around, immediately spotting the three vampires staring at her. None of them were very bulky - all were average sized. They seemed way too eager to sink their teeth into her.  
Faith scoffed. _Great. Newbies._  
She shook her head at the vampires and their horrible sense of clothing and sprung towards them. They all dropped into fighting stances (or, they tried to - all they did was raise their fists in an utterly ridiculous way) and tried, with no success, to block Faith's blows. The first vampire she attacked tried to block a kick to the head, but all he managed to do was get his wrist snapped by the girl's foot. He screamed, but she paid no attention. Instead, she moved on to her next target.  
She kicked the second vampire in the stomach, making him grunt. He tried to throw a punch but she grabbed his arm before it connected, and twisted it so far she heard several snapping sounds. She headbutted him and he stumbled away, his right arm twisted in an unnatural way.  
The first and third vampire came at her at the same time. She dodged their kicks and swung her foot hard at the third vampire's knee, breaking it and knocking him down. She turned to face the first vampire and blocked a punch from him, then spun around and backhanded him across the face. She proceeded to knee him in the nuts and elbow him in the nose.  
The second vampire came at her from behind, but all she did was snap her foot up and, without turning around, kicked him in the throat.

After about 10-15 minutes of relentless beating, the three monsters fell down and stayed down. Faith took a good, long look at them. All three of them were covered in blood and bruises - their limbs twisted in ways that they shouldn't be, some of their bones sticking out from their bodies, and all their eyes swollen shut. Faith chuckled and staked the three of them in sucession. Sighing happily, she put her stake away and left towards the Bronze, fighting the urge to skip all the way there.  
Once she got to her destination, she noticed her happiness and relief were temporary - before she even set foot in the club, she was thinking of Buffy again. Hell, during her fight she kept thinking of Buffy - the way Buffy fought, the way they would aways keep the other safe from as many vampires and demons as possible together, even the way Buffy would've scolded her if she saw what Faith had done to the vampires.  
The brunette sighed. --So what? Pretty soon I'll get over her. A few minutes in here and I'll find someone who's a better fuck than her-  
She walked over to the bar, hopping up to sit on a stool. The smell of crappy food was almost unbearable, but she was hungry as hell so she really couldn't care less. She ordered some buffalo wings and patiently waited for the guy to get her her food.  
She sensed someone approaching her and stiffened. She relaxed, though, when the redhead sat beside her, her bright green eyes pretty much hypnotizing Faith. She was thin, and somewhat tall - she looked around 5' 7". The Slayer failed to hold back her smile - a good fight and a good fuck, all in one night.

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I know this isn't as long as the first chapter, but I hope you guys enjoyed it. This, as you may have noticed, was about Faith trying to convince herself she doesn't need Buffy, and trying to cope with her feelings the only ways she knows how to - fighting and screwing. ;) 

Also, thank you all **so** much for your reviews. I never expected to get this many reviews! I thought I'd be lucky to get 2. :P

_**Billy Rose**_: Bitchslap Buffy? I'll think about that. :P

_**fabutvs26**_: Faith just doesn't wanna show her true feelings. She always had these walls around her and then she let Buffy in, and Buffy just screwed it all up. She's trying as hard as she can to convince herself Buffy doesn't mean much to her. Also, thanks for the kind comment. :)

_**Annie-C**_: Thanks! Yeap, I'll continue, as long as you guys keep reviewing. :P

_**Mar-Mar Superstar**_: Thanks for the comment :D

_**ful-of-faith**_: Here's the 2nd chap for ya ;D

_**rma2110**_: It's not that Buffy doesn't love Faith. It's that Buffy thinks she should be with Angel because of all the things their relationship survived. For Buffy, that means it's true love. She doesn't wanna lie to Angel so she finished things with Faith.

_**Slayergirlkal**_: That's what I was going for - making people hate Buffy :P And thanks for the comment :)

_**mythic-lionheart**_: Thanks for the compliments, and here's the 2nd chapter :P


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